The AFC East is often listen first in most football standings found in newspapers. Why is that, you say? Well, for any newspaper market that does not serve as home to an NFL team, they really have no reason to list any division above any other. So instead, they default to placing the AFC before the NFC, for the sake of alphabetization. After that, the East Coast Bias that was brought to the New World by the Pilgrims takes over. (They had the option of landing on the West Coast, they opted not to.) Therefore, the AFC East gets listed first. Before anything else can happen, there are the damn Patriots staring you in the face.
Guess what AFC East? In my world, you just got demoted to Second.
Again, leave a note in the comments if you want a last minute chance to get in on our Dethrone the King football pool. Bumper stickers are at stake, people.
New England Patriots and Dirty Sexy 
Money (ABC, Wed, 10:00) – Unlike “Life,” the producers behind DSM actually spent time coming up with a series title that will get the attention of possible viewers. And they followed up that by loading the cast with heavyweights like Donald Sutherland, Daniel Baldwin, and Kjill Clayburgh, all of them part of a crazy Hiltonesque family that will rely on a new lawyer to keep them out of jail and the tabloids simultaneously. Who better than Peter Krause, the man who co-anchored my all-time favorite sitcom, Sports Night? Krause (pronounced unnecessarily as Kraus-uh), will bring his Casey McCall charm and his Six Feet Under acting cred to a role that seemed designed and written exactly for him. As for the aforementioned Money, the Patriots finally opened up the wallet and spent some of the hard-earned cash those Super Bowl championships gets you. With big name free agent Adalius Thomas in the linebacker corps, Randy Moss patrolling the post routes, and yes, Vinny Testeverde warming the bench, the Pats hope it was Sexy well spent. EDGE: New England Patriots
Buffalo Bills and Kid Nation (CBS, Wed, 8:00) – Have you heard about Kid Nation?? CBS isn’t really promoting it – they’re letting the media do it, and they’re not even spending a dime. Basically, the premise is such: children are left to run their own town, form a government, and carry out basic living tasks like cooking, gathering resources, maintain order in the home, and play fantasy football. I don’t see what’s so revolutionary about this – the kids from the Simpsons tackled this over a decade ago. (An episode, which if it already isn’t, should be a part of any promotion video for Model UN programs) Well, some parents are ticked that their little boys and girls were effectively laboring as children, and their injuries (namely cooking grease burns) should not be tolerated. Look lady, the waiver was very clear, and you signed it. Hell, the kids even got paid thousands of dollars each. (They quickly spent it at 11 year-old entrepreneur Kenny’s Candy, Puppies, and Dress-Up Arcade.) Sadly, Buffalo Bills 21 year-old running back Marshawn Lynch’s application was not accepted for the show, and now will have to settle for a job that made him a fantasy sleeper across the country. In addition, rookie Paul Posluszny has been named starting linebacker after a stellar career at Penn State. Neither is expected to be dumb enough to eat the purple berries. They taste like burning. EDGE: Kid Nation
Miami Dolphins and Canterbury’s Law (FOX, Midseason) – You have to hand it to Fox. It’s about time they entered the fray of making drab dramas about a group of lawyers that should be interesting, but ultimately are not. What made The Practice a winner? What made Ally McBeal a success? Why do people stomach Shatner on Boston Legal? For every successful law show (these 3), another 5 have bitten the dust in the early throes of fall prime time programming. And now FOX, who would prefer to produce underwhelming shows of all varieties, have thrown their case onto the docket. Canterbury’s Law comes from the Grey’s Anatomy school of Program Naming, putting Juliana Margulies in the lead role. Margulies has earned her TV drama cred as being part of the early years of NBC’s ER. Similarly, Trent Green has earned his NFL Football cred as the QB of the highly successful Kansas City Chiefs offense from the first half of this decade. But was Trent Green the reason? I say nay. Al Saunders was the Clooney. Priest Holmes was the Edwards. Tony Gonzalez was the LaSalle. And Larry Johnson was the latecomer, Noah Wyle. Each of those guys is what made ER great. Trent Green? He’s just the Juliana Margulies. Enjoy him, Miami. EDGE: Canterbury’s Law
New York Jets and K-Ville (FOX, Mon, 9:00) – Perhaps the most ambitious new series, K-Ville actually refers to New Orleans, Louisiana. Viewers will follow the efforts of a fictional police force that has been assigned to defend a city that was defenseless two years ago against Hurricane Katrina. This will not be your standard cop show, and if nothing else, it’s probably worth an effort. (What’s that? They put it against Heroes? Nice knowing ya, K-Ville) So why didn’t I make the obvious connection to the New Orleans Saints here? It’s because there is a greater problem at hand for K-Ville than obviousness, and that problem’s name is Anthony Anderson. Anderson, who you may remember from such excellent work such as Kangaroo Jack and the TNBC show “Hang Time,” is the perfect example of wasted talent. Look, I know Anthony Anderson is a funny guy. When cast in the right role (as in Me, Myself, and Irene), he can be killer. But too many times, casting directors find a place for Anthony Anderson that couldn’t be a bigger mismatch. In Transformers, he played a paranoid computer hacker that ruined scenes – the only acting performance more egregious was Tuturro’s. In Romeo Must Die, he’s inexplicably cast as a funny guy in a movie that had no business casting a funny guy. Who is A-Squared’s NFL equivalent. Well, his name is Thomas Jones, and he plays running back for the New York Jets. After mis-castings in Tampa Bay, Arizona, and Chicago, let’s hope he’s found his dream role. EDGE: K-Ville
No comments:
Post a Comment