Monday, July 16, 2007

Dueling Previews '07: The AFC West

For the record, we received an incredible 25 entriesto our Dethrone the King contest; a marked improvement on the 8 or 9 who did battle with PK last year. Now I hate to admit, but the Big Honkin' Doofus correctly picked the Indianapolis Colts to down the New Orleans Saints last night, but the good news is - 22 of you guys did as well. Look for the standings to be posted Monday morning, and then updated again with the MNF game in the book the following morning.

If you want to check out PK's logic, it's up at SI.com. In the meantime, here's the AFC West.

Denver Broncos and Carpoolers (ABC, Tue, 8:30) – One of 9 new shows from American Broadcasting Company, Carpoolers focuses on the suburban life of four men who have nothing in common but their daily commute. Ah, traffic sitcoms. This hasn’t been tried since the early seasons of the Drew Carey Show. A nice premise, but ultimately, won’t the required “all 4 guys in the car scene” become trite, much like the obligatory “talk at the fence with Wilson scene" did on Home Improvement? But don’t worry, people! One of the four guys will be played by Jerry O’Connell! Now Jerry, I need to place your new sitcom with one of the NFL’s 32 teams, and I’ve narrowed it down to 2. It’ll either be Denver or San Diego. What’s that, you’ll either surf or ski? Clever. Look, Denver’s where you should be. But San Diego’s come in with a last-minute scenario. It’s big. Look, before a Dueling Preview, people get crazy. San Diego is offering seven years for 38 million. Signing bonus of 6. Now before I go back to Denver, let’s get something down on paper. You’re not dealing with Bob Sugar, are you? You let that snake in the door? It appears Carpoolers signed an hour ago. EDGE: Denver Broncos


San Diego Chargers and The IT Crowd (NBC, Midseason) – NBC can be trusted with the art of the comedy. They have the only two comedies I make an effort to catch weekly (Scrubs, The Office), and two more than I don’t mind every now and then (30 Rock, Earl). However, they seemed content with the four adding 0 new half-hour series to their fall lineup (Chuck is an hour long, even though it is rumored to be humorous). Waiting on the bench is The IT Crowd, a remake of a British series hopefully funnier than Jimmy Fallon’s old SNL crutch, Nick Burns: Your Company’s Computer Guy. But hey, NBC is getting all synergistic by tapping the host of The Soup on E!, Joel McHale, to star. And he, unlike Aisha Tyler, is damn funny. The LT Crowd will live and die by the stylings of LaDanian Tomlinson, the unanimous #1 Fantasy Football Pick, new Nike pitchman, and a player good enough to hijack the nickname of the most-feared linebacker of the 1980’s. It took a playoff loss at home to kick out a coach that led his team to a 14-2 record last year, and another year of seasoning for QB Phillip Rivers should pay dividends. If it doesn’t, expect Shawne Merriman to become the Terry Tate for the IT Crown on NBC this spring. EDGE: San Diego Chargers


Oakland Raiders and Baby Borrowers (NBC, Midseason) – Any show that advertises itself as a “unique social experiment” is always a recipe for needing a midseason replacement for a midseason replacement. Here, NBC will saddle a couple of teenagers with the responsibilities of adulthood, such as maintaining a real house, a real job, and raising children. Hey teenagers, let me fill you in on the ending to this – YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO RAISE CHILDREN. I’m 27, and I’m barely qualified. Children are more unpredictable that Jerry Porter’s hands on any given Sunday. When I was your age, I couldn’t be counted on to pack a pair of shoes for a college visitation trip. You think I could keep up with a baby? This one will grab America’s attention, only to flame out like Kid Nation. Raider Nation, on the other hand, is being run by a kid – new head coach Lane Kiffin. Kiffin is only 32 years old. CB Duane Starks is 33, and DT Warren Sapp is 34. At least he can consult his elders if need be. But don’t sleep on the Raiders. Despite their inability to sign the number one pick in the draft or cut their third-rounder outright, they should be much improved from last year, with a defense that should steal a few games from the league’s easiest schedule. EDGE: Oakland Raiders


Kansas City Chiefs and Eli Stone (ABC, Midseason) – This comes from a write-up about Eli Stone, which stars Johnny Lee Miller: Eli has built a successful career at a top law firm in San Francisco representing only the biggest and richest corporations that make a habit of screwing over the little guy. But after experiencing a series of odd hallucinations, Eli seeks to find a deeper meaning to life while trying not to lose his job and destroy his relationship with the bosses' daughter.” Oh crap, now our lawyers are seeing things? What’s next? Tech support guys saving the world? Anyway, we’ll tune in because of Miller, who could have used some hallucinations to see some of the crap that The Plague was going to pull on him and his friends in the underrated 1995 indie flick “Hackers.” Now if you’re a fan of the Kansas City Chiefs, we’d like to let you know that a lot of what you’ve seen recently concerning your team actually happened. That hallucination that your Offensive Coordinator made Larry Johnson carry over 400 times, an NFL record – that happened. That hallucination that showed your team picking up Tyler Thigpen as a QB safety valve, rather than Byron Leftwich? Happened. That hallucination that proved that training camp is an excellent time to practice your dance moves? Happened. It’s going to be a long year, and Eli’s coming. EDGE: Eli Stone

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