I feel like we've come to a point in cinema where the beginning credits are no longer necessary. The Internet has already informed many of the moviegoers as to who the main talent in the film is - directors, actors, producers - these roles have become common knowledge. I think unless you have a killer musical score or a sweet visual montage to utilize random words at the beginning of your movie, we should all agree to go the way of television and abandon the opening themes altogether. Words are just getting in the way of what you really want to see.
You know, like the preview of the AFC North.
Pittsburgh Steelers and The Sarah Connor Chronicles (FOX, Midseason) – The nineties were quiet for Sarah Connor, who assisted California Governor Arnold 
Schwarzenegger in fighting Technology gone wrong in the Terminator franchise. When the Machines rose over a decade later, Arnold didn’t need her help. Who knows what she was up to? She may have gone back to waitressing. She may have spent more time in a mental institution after her first botched bombing attempt at Cyberdyne. Hell, she may have stayed home and cried, as she watched her son Edward Furlong get eaten up by Young Hollywood. But thanks to a crack team of writers, she’s now fighting the bad guys yet again. Of course, after hanging out with T-1000 and his friends in the first two movies, her specialty has been fighting the baddest guys Technology can muster. Her latest foe? Why, the new mascot of the Pittsburgh Steelers, who is pictured here. His name is Steely McBeam. (take some time here to stop laughing, I’m dead serious.) Connor will use her wit, brawn, and guile to defeat this beast made of steel, which is a welcome change over the methods employed by Roethlisberger last summer. EDGE: Pittsburgh Steelers
Cleveland Browns and Bionic Woman (NBC, Wed, 9:00) – The idea behind the original Bionic Woman, which appeared on ABC and NBC in the late seventies, was that aside from the Six Million Dollar Man, no one really expected an everyday working woman to possess such super powers. She possessed blinding speed, great strength, flowy hair – standard seventies’ superhero requisites. And apparently 31 years later, we’re due for another installment, even if we didn’t really expect it, either. It has little star power in the cast, but then again, neither did NBC’s flagship rookie last year, Heroes. Phil Savage, on the other hand, has made great strides to rebuild his team, the Cleveland Browns, who have lacked a hero all the way back to the days of Bernie Kosar’s Jew fro. He was the mover AND the shaker in this year’s NFL draft, netting accomplished fisherman and offensive tackle Joe Thomas third overall, and then wheeling and dealing to pick their future franchise QB in Brady Quinn at pick 22. They also swiped division rival workhorse Jamal Lewis from Baltimore (no doubt an equal price to pay Art Modell, who stole ALL OF THE BROWNS on behalf of Charm City.) Throw in a bionically repaired leg for Kellen Winslow Jr., we just might see a winning season for the Dawg Pound. He CAN rebuild them. EDGE: Cleveland Browns
Baltimore Ravens and The Big Bang Theory (CBS, Mon, 8:30) – Of all the new sitcoms, this one seems to be the most predictable. Which means it will be perfect for CBS’ Monday night lineup. I’ve never understood the allure of shows like Two and a Half Men or According to Jim. A show that pairs a couple of physics nerds across the hallway from a smokin’ hot “screenwriter/waitress” (they throw screenwriter in there to make her smarter, but she’s not fooling anyone), and most likely, they’ll learn valuable lessons from one another. I also don’t understand why everyone in TV apartment complexes know and socialize with their neighbors. Since college, I’ve lived in no less than four different rental pads, and the most information about ANY of my neighbors was that at Random Run, they were from Romania and liked Tae Bo at 8 am on Saturdays. And they weren’t smokin’ hot screenwriter/waitresses. But then again, neither are the Baltimore Ravens. Everyone’s got them in the playoffs (you know, those boring previews that actually try and predict football straight up), but then losing in the divisional round because they got a bye but can’t handle an AFC powerhouse in their own building. San Diego? New England? Indy? All of them are the smokin’ hot, sexy screenwriter picks for prognosticators. Baltimore is the physics nerd. They’re going to be there in the end, no doubt – but that’s not why Football Nation is turning on the TV. EDGE: Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals and Aliens in America (CW, Mon, 8:30) – Chad Johnson is not of this world. This is a man who makes casual viewers watch Bengals games in order to witness first-hand his next ludicrously awesome touchdown celebration. He swiped Terrell Owens’ stick, attached a lobster to it, and now he dons a most excellent hat. He even insisted on being called Ocho Cinco last year, complete with jersey patch. And this was all in a down year – Chad has vowed to RETURN to his entertaining excellence this year, since last year he turned himself down a notch. He loves to play the game and it shows. The CW, on the other hand, seems to have the right idea to television innovation. They’re trying to mimic the success of The Office by green lighting unusual sitcom ideas, like “Nobody’s Watching” and now Aliens in America. AinA features the pairing of two aliens – an awkward Wisconsin high school kid and a Pakistani exchange student named Raja, in hopes that adolescent hilarity doth ensue. So why does this innovation seem to feel a lot less like The Office and a lot more like Perfect Strangers? (Side note: if anyone enters the Dethrone the King pool with Balki’s method of picking teams, I will gladly grant you a bumper sticker.) EDGE: Cincinnati Bengals
No comments:
Post a Comment