Dueling Previews '07: The NFC North

Finish Line! I see you!

Chicago Bears and Chuck (NBC, Mon, 8:00) – Of all the new shows coming out this fall, no show has had more intriguing or aggressive promotion than Chuck. It’s really a combination of elements that has brought Chuck about, and I think I’ve figured out the exact ingredients. First, you have Chuck – played by Zachary Levi – who looks like a bit like a “Jim-from-The-Office - plus-some-J.D.-from-Scrubs” hybrid. He’s a Best Buy-like store tech support officer, not unlike the very funny comedy setting from the 40 Year-Old Virgin. Finally, the plot has Chuck accidentally doing his job, opening an e-mail that decodes all of the government’s secrets, and now he’s a secret agent with a sexy partner. And as everybody knows, the world of sexy secret agencies is no place for a guy who knows how to hook up your printer. Meanwhile, in the Windy City, Rex Grossman (a man who was most impressive against the Vikes last year, throwing for 34 yards and 3 picks) remains the quarterback of a team with a sexy defense, an established running game, and a strong offensive line. Rex, meet Chuck. EDGE: Chuck

Detroit Lions and Kitchen Nightmares (FOX, Wed, 9:00) – Last year, the Detroit Lions were placed in this Dueling Preview Grid in the biggest mismatch ever, as an unknown show that I though had ZERO chance of survival was paired with it. The unfortunate series’ name, coinciding with the Lions’ news that one of their coaches drove through a Wendy’s naked, made it seem like a heavenly match. The Lions were awful, as expected, holding serve. Its projected failure of a TV rival? Some show called Ugly Betty. (Damn it.) This year, we hope to find a show to match with the Lions that will rival its levels of sucktitude accurately. And by gum (by gum?), we’ve found it. That show is Kitchen Nightmares, Fox’s extension of their moderately successful Hell’s Kitchen. Look, I’ve watched Hell’s Kitchen, and unless you like caustic criticism from a red-faced Brit, there’s not much to see. Cooking fans should tune into Top Chef, where the focus is more culinary, less casualty. Now, Gordon Ramsey will be coming into OTHER people’s restaurants and yelling at them. What if a boss from the company across the street came into your office and starting yelling at you? Not fun. As for the Lions, they have the right ingredients to improve by a few games this season. Assuming the only ingredient you need for said recipe is wide receivers. EDGE: Detroit Lions

Minnesota Vikings and Women’s Murder Club (ABC, Fri, 9:00) – The Women’s Murder Club is based on a series of James Patterson novels, although I’ve always noticed something screwy with them. Patterson is one of this authors who inexplicably churn out something like 20 novels a year. Of course, this is a clever rouse on behalf of the publishing company. By using James Patterson’s seal of approval, a publisher can try out new authors, and if their story sells well, maybe they’ll get a contract of their own. All in all, the WMC is a decent read – however I have no idea how it will translate to television. Women have proven their crime-fighting abilities time and time again on the various CSIs, but this will be their chance to make their mark. In a related story, Vikings quarterback throws like a girl. EDGE: Women’s Murder Club

Green Bay Packers and Pushing Daisies (ABC, Wed, 8:00) – According to the show’s synopsis, the main character, Ned, has a unique ability to bring people back to life simply by using his touch. However, if he touched them again, they would die forever. So Ned’s childhood sweetheart was murdered, and you know the Nedster went to the graveyard to rectify things – only now, any relationship they plan to maintain will have all the intimacy of a 6^th grade dance. He’s also a detective (though not a vampire), to complete the storyline. If I were the writer of this show, I would spend the first episode having Ned go to hundreds of cemeteries and touching every dead body he can dig up. That way, he’s released thousands of bodies back into the human population, resuming life as if their various illnesses/homicides/age-related deaths never happened. In Episode 2 and going forward, we resume the story arcs the original writers intended, only every now and then, Ned will touch a random stranger (the cashier at Starbucks, some businessman on the overcrowded Metro), and they will just drop dead on the spot. What an element of surprise! Hilarity would ensue. So why did I make this show the Green Bay Packers? I can’t remember. Oh, that’s right. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. Brett Favre is old. EDGE: Pushing Daisies