Friday, July 13, 2007

Dueling Previews '07: The NFC East

Part of the fun of writing these previews is keeping track of which of the 32 teams and which of the 32 shows you've already written. Often, you find yourself writing these whenever the moment strikes you - and since that moment often occurs in the midst of a boring conference call, a fair amount of these write-ups were penned at my desk. However, publishing has occurred at night, requiring me to transfer my documents from laptop to laptop. Somehow, some way, I screwed up. After putting in a good 6-pack of preview capsules last night, my document from today overwrote all that I had done last night. Fortunately for me, 4 of those were already published in the first two columns. So when you read the Eagles and Saints - you're reading a Take 2.

Take 2's are less funny on principle. I blame Firefox .



New York Giants and Gossip Girl (CW, Wed, 9:00) – I don’t need to tell you anything about Gossip Girl to make you realize that it’s going to be terrible. It’s essentially a watered down Cruel Intentions setting with a group of kids as bright as the Laguna Beach crowd. Instead, let me list some of the projects that the cast of Gossip Girl have been in, to prove my point: “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” “Surface,” “The Covenant,” “John Tucker Must Die,” and “Spy Kids 2.” Sure, there’s a kid in it who played a bit role in Children of Men, but he’s unlikely to be the Gossip Girl. As for gossip in the NFL, it has a way of becoming bulletin board material. When a player doesn’t think twice and says something about his upcoming rival, it gets back to that rival quickly, and fuels the fire for Sunday afternoon. However, the New York Giants will have some difficulty putting to use the smack talk that’s surfaced in the past week about them. For the speaker of these harsh words doesn’t play for any opponent – it’s former G-Men running back and new NBC correspondent Tiki Barber. In a manner of days, the man with the imposing eyebrows has ruined any pro-Giants sentiments he held by trashing the current head coach, questions the abilities of Eli Manning, and likely will have something to say about Michael Strahan’s holdout. But then again, Mr. Fumbli is just saying what we were all thinking. EDGE: Gossip Girl

Washington Redskins and Reaper (CW, Tue, 9:00) – What the hell, CW? You were supposed to be the network for America’s Youth! You’ve brought us shows like Dawson’s, Charmed, Smallville, and Everwood! You’ve given a voice to teenage angst when teenage angst was too flummoxed to speak! And what do you do to the kid you have as the lead in “Reaper?” “Slacker geek Sam discovers his parents sold his soul to Satan before he was even born. And now, on his 21st birthday, the evil one has come to collect.” Sam didn’t even get a chance – thanks a lot, parents! Now he has to spend his life working as hard as he can just to attain mediocrity, since the Devil will always be nearby asking for a ten-spot. Sound familiar, DC Metrophiles? You’ve got Jason Campbell, a talented quarterback under center this year, and thanks to good coaching and a solid Auburn past, he could turn into the best QB the ‘Skins have had in the last decade. (Sorry, Heath and Danny.) He could lead a team to the Super Bowl on his arm – that is, if he had a team to lead. For Campbell, the time is now, because Owner Dan Snyder’s ability to overpay and overvalue free agents and have complete disregard for the college draft will SCREW the Redskins next year, and the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that, and THEN we’ll finally be in the last year of Brandon Lloyd’s contract. EDGE: Washington Redskins


Dallas Cowboys and The Cashmere Mafia (ABC, Tue, 9:00) - You’re not going to see the Cashmere Mafia until December, people, and you are probably better off for it. It seems that ABC has taken the idea behind Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives and came up with this – four big shot ladies of the NYC who are superior to their male co-workers, doing their best to break the glass ceiling. Look, I’m friends with several very intelligent, good-looking, female MBA graduates, and I’d like to speak on their behalf. Casting Lucy Liu in their image is an insult and a crime. I wish that Sever had killed her. (Unless she was Sever; in that case I was rooting for Ecks.) Now when I saw “The Cashmere Mafia” on the lkist of new shows, I knew that it was my opportunity to throw a cheap shot in the direction of one of the Eagles’ NFC rivals. With Terrell Owens and Tony Romo in their offensive cast, this was not a hard decision to make. However, unlike the Cashmere Mafia, it’s unlikely you’ll see these guys/gals playing for their lives in December. Sorry, Wade. EDGE: The Cashmere Mafia


Philadelphia Eagles and Back to You (FOX, Wed, 8:00) – Funny story about Back to You. Over at Melt Your Face-off, a very early post by my linemate Reasonable Doubt managed to turn the entire Pittsburgh Penguins fanbase against us. It turns out that people from Steel City can’t exactly take a joke like those from say, Edmonton. A few days later after they were calling for our jobs, we posted another article, also with Pittsburgh fans in the crosshairs. LeNoceur had stumbled across a Washington Post online chat discussing fall television, and with Back to You being set in Pittsburgh, all of Western PA was fearing ridicule yet again. Despite getting the privilege of being the setting for a evening news-based sitcom starring PrimeTime powerhouses like Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton, they were more concerned with how their small market would be lampooned before a national television audience. Hey, Pittsburgh – this is going to be funny. Relax. Staying calm works. That’s the only way Sidney Crosby is able to sneak in to R-rated movies. Wait a minute – this was supposed to be a football preview? Right. For the Eagles, they should seem limited competition from the NFC East, all whom are dealing with their own problems. Last year, we went to the playoffs on the back of Jeff Garcia, and this made him very tired. He’s now in Tampa, along with weak-in-the-knees Jeremiah Trotter. It looks like it’s Back to You, Donovan. EDGE: Philadelphia Eagles

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