I'm posting this while there's football on the television. If Trent Green completes his next completion, I will force myself to write an introduction to this column. Of course, this is a strong possibility, as long as Carlos Rogers is still on the field. But Trent Green isn't fazed by such under achievement. Let's wait and see...
Screen pass complete to Ronnie Brown for 2 yards? That shouldn't count as a completion. I'm overruling the cheating exploits of Trent Green. Let's go.
New Orleans Saints (0-1) and Big Shots (ABC, Thu, 10:00) – Surely you remember the less-than-kind words we had for Cashmere Mafia, also on ABC. Apparently, ABC has written the same show twice, but in the latter, is replacing 4 women with 4 men. The question will be whether or not this can capture the replacement male audience. If it plays like a relationship-driven drama – good luck. Your male viewing audience is busy watching CSI. But if the combination of the four actors can grab a viewing early, it has a shot with Grey’s Anatomy as a lead-in. The four actor portraying these Big Shots are Dylan McDermott, Joshua Malina, Michael Vartan, and Christopher Titus. And while their day jobs are currently unknown, we’re putting money down in Vegas that they’ll be a snarky lawyer, an energetic producer on a 3rd-place sports news show, an agent for a highly clandestine national agency, and a smart-ass in a bowling shirt. In New Orleans, there’s room for 2 big shots on a team, and according to the league office, 3 applications were submitted. The first is Drew Brees, who came over from San Diego last year to make a star out of Marques Colston, throw clutch TDs, and almost lead his team to the Super Bowl. The second is Reggie Bush, a jack-of-all-trades back, who while electrifying at USC, has yet to find how he will leave his mark on the league. The third is Jason David, the cornerback from Indy who – what’s that? Application revoked? Oh. EDGE: New Orleans Saints
Atlanta Falcons and Samantha Who? (ABC, Mon, 9:30) – A long, long time ago, Christina Applegate proved she had comedic timing, enough to belong in any supporting cast of a major network sitcom. As a lead player, she did just okay on her own show, Jesse, in the late nineties. After that, she broke into movies in a big way, as the only woman in the testosterone-laden cast of Anchorman. Hence, it’s time to give her another shot, as a woman recovering from amnesia who’s realizing that pretty much she’s an awful person (for source material: rent 13 Going on 30 with Jennifer Garner.) Sure, amnesia is a convenient way to forget that past, but will it lead to ratings in a 9:30 time slot, often the death knell for comedies? As for the Atlanta Falcons, it might be nice to claim amnesia now. That way, they could claim no recollection of the biggest off-season story, not to mention the signing of Michael Vick’s heir, one Joseph Harrington. “Hello, sir. And you are? We signed you to what? For how many years? You must be mistaken. Maybe you’re thinking of the Carolina Panthers. They’re a big fan of giving unqualified quarterbacks second chances. EDGE: Samantha Who?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Journeyman (NBC, Mon, 10:00) – It’s amazing what playing your cards right can get you. Jeff Garcia, despite being a Mexican-American, headed north of the border after college spends 5 years shredding the Canadian Football League. The 49ers notices said shredding, and signed him to a multi-year deal where he paid them back with 3 Pro Bowl appearances. However, the 49ers tanked and ran out of money, and Garcia was forced to bide his time in two disappointing seasons in Cleveland and Detroit. Certainly, he questioned his ability to start in the NFL. His wife, the 2004 Playmate of the Year, is a wise sage of a gal, and told him to take a backup job for the Eagles in 2006. Once Chunky Soup 5 went down with a torn knee, Garcia led the Eagles into the playoffs, including a win over the Giants. Now, because of that card, he’s starting once again – in sunny Tampa. However, I don’t anticipate the journeyman who wears #7 faring much better than NBC’s Journeyman, which seems to be a carbon copy of Quantum Leap, but with 41% less Bakula. EDGE: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Carolina Panthers and Life is Wild (CW, Sun, 8:00) – Do you remember when Lindsay Lohan was not crazy? The last movie she made during that time was the Tina Fey-penned “Mean Girls.” I enjoyed it at the time – but now that TBS has gotten a hold of it, it will be beaten dead by the end of 2007. Do you remember why Lohan’s character was new to the school? Very good, it’s because her parents just moved to the U.S. after spending years in the African grasslands. Life is Wild takes that brilliant screenplay exposition and flips the script on Fey and Lohan. In the CW’s replacement for 7th Heaven, a high school girl also named Katie and her family leave the States to live on an animal preserve in South Africa! That’s brilliant! Now they can draw parallels between the interaction of wild animals with Katie’s struggles to adapt to her new family (new stepmom) and surroundings. Now I’ve never been to Africa, but I’ve seen what their native animals are capable of. Take the Panther, for example. Panthers are ruthless. They don’t have to answer to anyone and can make smaller, skinnier, dumber animals pay for their idiocy. This past April, ESPN had current Carolina WR Keyshawn Johnson sit center stage as a part of their draft coverage, having an empty seat for “Loud-Mouth Receiver” since they fired Irvin. When the Panthers spent an early round pick on USC WR Dwayne Jarrett, (Johnson’s alma mater), Keyshawn praised the move and spoke about how excited he was to teach his fellow Trojan the ropes. The next day the Carolina Panthers released Keyshawn Johnson, to make room on the depth chart for Jarrett. Man, Life in the NFL is Wild. EDGE: Carolina Panthers
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