Call me Loki...

Because I've heard this rant before.

Now I've been workin' in a blogmine for almost three weeks now, and I have really yet to do what most blogs set out to do, and that is rant until my fingers turn blue. Yes, potshots here and there about the likes of Craig Kilborn, Nordberg, and pending vacation-ruining-meteorlogical-disasters-waiting-to-happen, but nothing that I would really qualify as a rant. You need something in a maiden rant that really draws your ire and disdain, and it appears I have found my Hope Diamond.

I should have seen this one coming.

I'm not a fan of sequels, despite the recent run of good movies this summer: Shrek 2, Spider-man 2, and the Bourne Supremacy. This is no secret. And short of You Got Served 2, which is sadly in the works, I happened across a sequel that even David Arquette would be a afraid to touch with a 10 foot pole. Now I read all the time about upcoming films, castings, scripts, etc, so normally I have a pretty good idea to what will be coming out in the future, say two, three months away. I am in trouble. This startling discovery comes out August 27.

Just like when Brodie didn't realize Stan Lee was in his own mall. I must be slipping in my old age.

That's right, loyal readers, coming soon to a theatre near you, even though nobody in the United States asked them to (the original made $97k in Singapore, and I have no idea why.), is the follow up to the smash hit Baby Geniuses, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2!!!

I should sell my eyeballs to science.

Okay, first off, Hollywood is a business. You make movies to make money, and hopefully, four our sake, you make something good to watch in the process. A sequel is normally paydirt for the big companies out there. "Let's just make the same movie, switch some stuff around, and make another $80 mil. (Rush Hour, I'm looking in your general direction...) Baby Geniuses made $27 million. That's it. Jersey Girl made that, and it's considered a flop by the industry. So where does Sony Pictures get off? They don't need the money. It's not like they're, well, Disney.

But it's gotta have a good story right???

In Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies, the adventure continues with a new generation of talking toddlers. This time, the baby geniuses find themselves at the center of a nefarious scheme led by powerful media mogul Bill Biscane (Jon Voight). Joining the babies in their battle against evil is a legendary baby named Kahuna. Part ultra-cool spy, part superhero, Kahuna joins babies Archie, Finkleman, Alex and Rosita in a race against time to stop the villainous Biscane from using his state-of-the-art satellite system to control the minds of the world’s population.

Because there are 5 main actors,er... babies, and since kids can't be under production lights for more than the rigid quota under Child Labor Laws (this is why we have the Olsen Twins, people), Sony has now subjected 11 babies to this monstrosity. 11 children who have to grow up and acknowledge that they were in the worst movie ever created (save Wing Commander).

I have failed the American public. I should have had a letter writing campaign in gear waaaay earlier than two weeks before release. Hey, it worked for Strangers with Candy...