The Parable of the Prodigal Roommate

"There was an apartment that had two roommates. The younger one said to his landlord, Landlord, give me my share of the bedrooms.' So they divided the living quarters between them. "Not long after that, the younger roommate got together all he had, set off for New York City and there squandered his bed, cooking implements, and playstation2. After he had spent everything, there was a severe layoff in his place of employment, and he began to be extremely bored. So he went and hired himself to a movie producer working on a stupid movie about motorcycles, who then sent him to him to play Soul Caliber ad nauseum. He longed to fill his time with other games of the EA Sports persuasion, but no one gave him anything.
"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many EA games are waiting for me in my Landlord’s place, and I am here with Soul Caliber! I will set out and go back to my apartment and say to him: Roommate, I have sinned against the EA Sports empire and all of its created teams and dynasties. I am no longer worthy to be called an EA Sports Gamer Level 47; I am no longer the best tight end in football.' So he got up and went to his apartment.
"But while he was still a long way off, his elder roommate called him on the holy cell phone and was filled with longing to stop playing 1 player games; he turned on PS2, threw his controller down and picked up the other.
"The younger roommate said to him, 'Roommate, I have sinned against the EA Sports empire and all of its created teams and dynasties. I am no longer worthy to be called an EA Sports Gamer Level 47.
"But the elder roommate said to his trusty houseguest, Nordberg. 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a Hot Pocket in the microwave and a beer in the fridge. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. (???) Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this roommate of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. And they made house elf Nordberg do the dishes.

Welcome home, Spud.