Listen up, freshmen. This week you're going to college. Hopefully, you're lucky enough to go to William and Mary, and not UVa. And let's face it, you spent the last 2 (read: 9) months of high school, well, phoning it in (Nordberg, 2004). So, you have to admit, those note-taking (read: drawing fractals in the margins) skills have got to be rustier than USA Basketball, so I would like to impart to you what I learned at college.
Last minute is the best minute. (No, wait. Wrong advice.)
Now I never took Psych 101, but from intense discussions with friends, Monrovians, countrymen, I like to think I know how the human psyche works. Man, Freud would have been so proud. It has been long postulated that there are three elements of the human subconscious. The Id takes care of your wants and desires, regardless of external consequence. Your Ego takes into account how your wants and desires affect others and rammifications of your actions. And the Superego evaluates these actions with a moral and ethical yardstick (sometimes for measuring, sometimes for a good whacking.) Oh, but good Siggy, you left out the Ig.
The Ig wants pudding.
This is the part of the mind that caters to the left-field, oddball, comical, who-writes-this-stuff, why-they-don't-let-Condon-talk-in-front-of-strangers interests of the brain. Rarely rational, and never logical. Makes life interesting. Very interesting. Rather than extending the definition further, I'll use some current event examples.
#1 - Situation: Tom Cruise has tied Jamie Foxx's hands to the steering wheel while he goes to kill a man in Collateral. Jamie Foxx does not want to be involved in this killing spree any longer.
The Id thinks: Get out of there. Honk the horn with your head for help.
The Ego thinks: Honk only when friendly people walk by. You could be robbed while tied to the wheel if the wrong person hears you.
The Superego thinks: Honking could bring someone close to the car. If Tom Cruise comes out, he could kill them, and nw you're responsible.
The Ig thinks ducks sound funny when they honk.
#2 - Situation: The Olympics are on television in the gym. On 6 channels.
The Id thinks: Watch the Games to quench the thirst for competition, diplomacy, and sportsmanship.
The Ego thinks: Switching the channel to the Olympics from Walker, Texas Ranger while the old guy on the stairmaster is watching it could make him very mad (he got all pissy when you turn on the fan.)
The Superego thinks: Sharing is a part of life, so change the channel to the Olympics when that guy gets off the treadmill.
The Ig would like a fuzzy yellow tennis ball.
#3 - Situation: Getting out of the supermarket, you find that it is pouring rain outside. You are still in your work clothes.
The Id thinks: Rain is cold and wet. Drive the car up onto the curve to avoid the dripping of the storefront overhang.
The Ego thinks: Other shoppers have the same stupid problem. Be a man and walk the food to your car.
The Superego thinks: Driving up on the curve endangers the lives of others, and also prevents others from simply driving up next to the curb.
The Ig could go for some funnel cake and a nap.
And so could I. Oh man, so could I.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Psychology 1-0-Fun!
Written by Chris Condon at 9:46 AM
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2 comments:
And then there's situation number "D."
You're glued to the computer in the event that a) there's a threat to national security that requires immediate response, or b) an Olympic contest was completed in the last 30 seconds without your foremost attention. You stumble upon a remarkably refreshing blog that furthers psychiatric understanding by an extraordinary degree (perhaps 12, or pi). It is insightful and funny...and way, way funnier than your own blog, for which you have registered, but without actually posting anything.
THE ID tells you that you are bitterly jealous and should post a cutting and nasty response reflecting your bitter jealousness. Then perhaps you should have a snack.
THE EGO tells you that you would only hurt others with a nasty comment. If you are not going to praise the blog, then you should not post at all. Also, a snack would go right to your waist, and--quite frankly--you could lose a few pounds.
THE SUPEREGO tells you to post something that offers both praise, but through imitation. The superego tells you, too, to be clever (but has some reservations), and points out that there are some tasty Healthy Choice fudge bars in the freezer.
THE IG has put a set of pink cardboard ears on the modem and is now referring to it as "Miss Kitty." Apparently Miss Kitty travels like a frisbee and enjoys chocolate bars.
HONK!
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