got blog?

I had no idea that milk was such a confusing substance.

It's white. It comes from cows. I even hear it's been known to "do a body good." But I think when in comes to accounting, they've got their bovine employees crunching the numbers. You see, IMDB reported this week that Lindsay Lohan, thanks to a recent photo shoot, has become the 200th celebrity to grace one of the famous "got milk?" magazine advertisements. First off, good for Lindsay. She makes much better movies and picks better scripts that Hillary Duff, as Duff has just reeled off two terrible films back to back (Raise Your Voice, Cinderella Story). Milk know who's a trendy pick to promote their dairy, and as Lohan has proven (by rising above her father's idiocy) that she has some staying power. Congrats, you are Miss 200.

Or are you?

My idea for today's blog was to sift through the stacks and stacks of milk mustaches to find the 5 most unworthy recipients of this honor. While compiling my list (which I assure you, I will get to at some point. So wordy, so clean), the list presented by www.whymilk.com did not appear to be, well, complete. From my cybertravels, I found many names and pictures of celebs who did this farm shoot, only to find their name omitted on the all encompassing list on the website. Who knows how may famous people have drank milk?!? This whole news story is a sham. More free publicity for Lindsay Lohan. What a conspiracy.

(calling Oliver Stone)
(ringing)
C.C.: Uh, yes, Mr. Stone? Oh, good. Have I got a story for you!
O.S. : Does Colin Farrell get to fight an elephant in it?
C.C. : Well, no...
(Click)

Let's just get to the list, shall we...

1. Brad Johnson - He's a quarterback in the NFL, and my guess is he got asked to show the 'stache when the Buccaneers topped the Raiders two Super Bowls ago. That's great and all, you can have all the milk you want now that you're third string in Tampa. Hey kids, you can drink your milk, and then you can lose to the Redskins, too!
2. Billy Ray Cyrus - Milk does not, I repeat, does not do a mullet good.
3. Carson Daly - MTV lackey turned late enough night talk show host, Daly has soared through life by being (as according to Jimmy Fallon) "completely average in every way." At least now his bone composition won't deteriorate like his viewing audience.
4. Arthea Franklin - No, that's not a typo of one of the greatest motown singers of all-time. Arthea is actually listed on the got milk? site. While Aretha can't get any R-E-S-P-E-C-T from the dairy farmers of America, Arthea is living the high life.
5. The Phantom. - Of the Opera? Nope. The Flyers minor league squad? No, sir. A certain Lucasfilm "Menace?" Nice try. Billy Zane, as the late nineties comicbook movie hero, The Phantom, is seen sitting peacefully in a cave with a streak of white across his lip. Ah, a pitchman from a $45 million dollar movie that brought in only $17 million? The dairy farmers had to put half their employees out to pasture after this blunder.

Harford, best of luck with your version of "The Daily Show!"