Signature Service?

Yep, just got back from Jiffy Lube.

My car is a method of getting from Point A to Point B (and more recently stopping at Quiznos somewhere it between) . It's a functional tool. (Like Dave, but with, well, function.) And they tell me that every 3000 miles or so I should take it to my local Jiffy Lube to change out the oil. (They meaning the corporate fat cat advertising executives who insist you must come in about 2000 miles before you really need to.) Figuring I had 20 minutes to burn between finishing planning and going to Williamsburg, I stopped in.

By 20 minutes, I meant an hour.

Since Jiffy is clearly a misnomer for a organization who I have successfully counted on the past for quick, signature service, I realize that something must be up in order to account for this ridiculously long wait time. And since I don't have the energy to was through boxes upon boxes of documents concerning the history of Jiffy Lube, I'll just offer some suggestions to rename the company...

• Spiffy Lube - We may not be the quickest, but at least we got nice shirts!
• Iffy Lube - We may not be the quickest, but is that a car???
• Griffey Lube - We may not be the quickest, but you can coun-Ow! My ankle!
• Cliffy Lube - We may not be the quickest, but we'll get the mail delivered before we hit the bar.

Sorry folks, I'm tired. I'm pulling a Nordberg and phoning it in.