Receiving Criticism

Yesterday's SportsCenter could have been at least three hours. With the Red Sox winning Game 4 (not to mention G-5 last night), the NLCS becoming the best playoff series that nobody will ever see, a full week of NFL games to report on, and the last hot dog grabbing headlines, I could have easily seen Stu Scott and company stretch the show to twice the length.

And when the sports pile up, the amount of guaranteed airtime for the hot dogs (of the NFL variety) is cut screechingly short. Only the worthy become famous for their antics, and worthiness is determined by originality, creativity, and the ability to push the envelope. (By push the envelope, I mean "take that cornerback to school.") (for more info, please see here.) It has to be fresh, and it has to be merited. I'm glad that T-O comes up with something new each time he punches in for six. I've always loved the Amani Toomer "can't get the ball off of my hands 'cause I'm like glue" showing, and the Packers "photo-shoot" antics with Ferguson-Driver-Walker is a nice away game switch from the Lambeau leap.

This said, not all celebrations fit with the elite. Those people should be punished.

The NFL's system of fining a player when they go over the top needs revision. When Owens sharpied the ball in Seattle or Joe Horn pulled a "Can you hear me now?" in New Orleans, they both got fined for pre-meditated acts and excessive celebration. Fine. (heh, get it? Woo!)

People love talking about these things - it adds an element of individuality to a team sport, and therefore it should not be encouraged, but at a minimum tolerated. I propose a revised system of fines for celebrations as follows:

1 - Celebrations are voted on by pretty much anyone but the media and players on either team involved. Fans are to be included.
2 - Celebrations will be voted on using a good scale of Not to So. So good gets the celebration 1 point, and Not good gets a zero. Creativity, originality, and merit should be considered by voters.
3 - The celebration must warrant a 80% success rate in order for it to go unfined, meaning 4 out of 5 people thought it was So Good! That fifth person is the margin of error - Cowboy fans.
4 - Deciles below the 80% pass rate serve as ranges that determine the fine assessed for a subpar celebration. 70%-80% is a $2.5k docking, 60%-70% is $5k, and then fines double from there on. That means if you get less than ten percent fan approval - (think Warren Sapp's bunny rabbit dance.) $320 thousand dollars 'cause you so lame.

Standard, every day touchdown celebrations are not eligible for the program, so you can continue your spiking the ball, dunking on the uprights, and flexing those guns.

My conclusion is that this will cut down on the number of overall celebrations, as receivers should know if they have the goods to not get served with a bill for no creativity. Only the strong will survive.

I wrote all of this to complain about Chad Johnson, who sent Pepto-Bismol to the Cleveland secondary this week because he thought they'd get sick from covering him. His line from Sunday - 3 catches, 37 yards. Good words eaten by a receiver who isn't even the best receiver named Johnson. (Keyshawn, Andre, Lyndon B.)