Red 5 Standing By

Influence: (n.) - A power affecting a person, thing, or course of events, especially one that operates without any direct or apparent effort.

Because of my hobbies, I live in two worlds. One world involves coming to work, going to school, sleeping a little, and talking in my sleep. The world relies on attempts at post-modern humor to keep things interesting, as well as on the fact that George Foreman can make me dinner in about five minutes. Most of it right now is a blur, with this being planning season at the office, but from what I can see, I've having fun trying to keep up.

The other world shows up in so many different locales. It exists on a tour bus with a 70's rock band, in an old converted NYC firehouse, in the matrix, in a television-produced town in a bubble, on an Earth only booklovers have seen before, on forest moons and musical sets, from Vegas to Rome, and Omaha Beach to a child's computer-animated toy chest.

And because of the lack aforementioned lack of sleep, more and more the two worlds have collided and merged. Movie quotes are coming easier, and I mean more than just Cool Runnings. I can't wait 'til I can nail Matt Damon's corporate rant from Good Will Hunting in the middle of water cooler banter at work. And since a reprieve of slumber is at least two weeks away, I just have to accept that it's harder to define the line where real life beings and reel life ends.

It is with this understanding that I present my frame of mind regarding my accounting exam I took last night. Influence is a funny thing. By sticking a movie on in the background while studying, sometimes an idea such as "accumulated depreciation" or "book value" will link itself to whatever is on the screen. Because of the subject's complexities, putting in a movie that runs on mathematics would put my subconscious in an utter state of confusion (Ig wants Logic?!?!), so movies like A Beautiful Mind stay on the shelf. Instead, we put something in that I don't even need to see the screen to know what's happening: Star Wars. So maybe seeing a jawa will remind me of the time value of money or some other subconscious connection. Or maybe, the movie will just take over my train of thought completely.

Such was the case sitting down last night. As the test was about to commence, I prepared my desk for this open-note, open-book cakewalk. The instant my calculator came out of my bag, the transformatation occurred. Suddenly, everything financial left my head, and everything having to do with the Rebel Alliance entered. Great, looks like this exam will be brought to me by Lucasfilm. Fantastic.

It was the old calculator from my desk at work that was the catalyst. Others surrounding me were kicking it high-style with graphic calculators, financial calculators, laptop computers. But no not me, my Aurora DT210 and I have been through a whole lot in the last few days, and I wouldn't go into battle with anything but. So as I loaded the DT210 onto my desk, I looked at my surroundings once I put my self down into the my seat for the next two hours. Plenty of resources to use to achieve this mission-books, notes, targeting computers?. What the? I can shoot down balance sheets back home down equations with the best of them, but this is pretty new.

Red 5 standing by.

And as the clock on the wall hit 6, it began. The test was divided into two sections. The first was multiple choice, which attacks me with four guns at a time labeled A,B,C, and D. These tower-like questions can be powerfully disarming. Looking at a question from afar will get you shot down; the trick is to get in too close for the ammunition each choice presents to trip you up. Getting in close means you avoid the tower's guns and find a way to avoid the pitfalls. Needless to say, with bringing in my financial x-wing close to the problems, this section was little hindrance.

"You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the tower."

Yes, if you recall the Battle of Yavin, (and since it's on DVD, I'm sure you do), Luke's mission wasn't completed just because he got inside the trenches. Vader and his wingmen of doom also needed to be dealt with. And since parallelism is the name of the game, the fighters took take form as open-ended questions: analysis of financial statements. These were trickier, but I was able to handle them well. They're the type of questions that sneak up on you from behind with something unexpected, like glowing red lasers. Thanks to my open-book and open notes, I was able to fend off the fighter questions and proceed to my final mission.

The essay is the photon torpedo to end it all. It was a question about the management of a financial statement package. This shouldn't be hard. I have all the resources I could possibly need with the info needed to hit a home run. If only it was that easy. I spent ten minutes deciding on two different lines of logic, and one would be clearly right and the other clearly wrong. Unfortunately, after reading the book, reviewing my notes, and looking at it with the targeting computer, I was still unsure of my answer. That's when I switched off all of these materials and relied on something else.

"Use the force, Chris."

That's right. Go with what you feel. Close the book, turn over the notes. Wait a minute, that's not even a targeting computer, it's your name tent. Breathe. Write the correct answer down. Turn in the paper. Done.

"Great shot kid, that was one in a million."

Epilogue - if this analogy holds true, opened ended accounting questions are my father. Weird.