I got 99 problems but the Fitch ain't one.

And from the Slow News Desk in Indianapolis, the Associated Press has reported a bitter rivalry more fierce than any vice-presidential debate we'll see this year. That's right the Behemoth of Popular Influence known as USA Gymnastics has called for a nationwide boycott of the clothing retalier Abercrombie and Fitch. A&F has added a highly controversial shirt to its new fall line of "Stuff Kids Wear to Make a Statement for Statement's Sake." It's a green t-shirt depicting a male gymnast on the rings with legs out in front. To the graphic's right is the uberwitty phrase, "L is for Losers."

Gymnasts, everywhere, revolt.

Most blogs out there are soapboxes for their writers to rip society for its unfairness and bias. I try and stay away from the rants, but sometimes I just have to give in. Sometimes you have to yell to make it known that there's something out there you should avoid all cost (Babies cannot be that smart!!!). And sometimes you need to just let all parties involved that Idiot Store called, and they want their merchandise back.

Problem Number 1 - This shirt idea doesn't have a whole lot of creativity flowing from its sleeves. L is for Losers? Come on, babies who aren't even remotely geniuses could have come up with that. Thus, I conclude that USA Gymnastics needs to do a little research before that drag the names of both Abercrombie and Fitch through the mud. I'm sure this shirt was not a collaboration between the two, so rephrase your press release when you find out that Abercrombie is a madman who took over the silk screen press while Fitch was vacationing in the Caymans.

Problem Number 2 - When Fitch gets back, he's going to realize that Abercrombie is doing his best to kill off their consumer base, one popular high school sport at a time. There's one thing I know and that one thing is, Gymnasts Love Abercrombie and Fitch.* According to the popular magazine, Inside Gymnastics, Nicole Childs and her fellow athletes at the World Olympic Gymnastics Academy (WOGA) "love shopping. It’s immediately what they go to. [Her favorite stores are Abercrombie [& Fitch], 5 7 9, Forever, Hollister, a million more!" Do you hear that Fitch? A million more! You clearly don't have an iron grip on the almighty parallel bar-loving dollar.

* - No idea what I'm talking about. It's Friday.

Problem Number 3 - USA Gymnastics - how effective can this boycott actually be? Don't you guys wear leotards or athletic tanktops with pants and socks anyways. I'm not just talking when you're on the mat, but all the time. I know every gymnast I've ever seen wears that stuff. Last time I checked A&F doesn't sell a whole lot of "Chalk-covered Apparel."

Problem Number 4 - LFO likes girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch. You don't want to be those girls.

Problem Number 5 - I want to be a part of the World Olympic Gymnastic Academy! I'd throw WOGA parties for all my friends, and I'd may everyone wear white sheets like the Greeks. We'd have a balance beam, a pommel horse, and Otis Day and the Knights performing on the main stage. WOGA! WOGA! WOGA!

Problem Number 6 - Problem number 6 is that problem number 5 wasn't really a problem at all, but more a meer daydream from the sleep deprived. Oops.

Problem Number 7 - It's not even a good shirt, people. It's just part of that retro-wear-a-shirt-that-looks-like-it's-from-the-80s-but-it-makes-you-look-trendy-and-cool thing that we're getting sucked into again. What statement is it making? Save the money and buy an Eagles jersey.

I got 92 more problems, and I still ain't done. But that's good for now.