Dude, Where's My Cube?

I’ve have been at my current job and department for 2 years, 3 months, and 4 days (as of the above backdate.) You would think that by now, I could get in the elevator and know the exact location of my chair and corresponding desk. Smaller objects, I’m not so sure. Somebody could have swiped my stapler. I may have gone home last night with my pencil still behind my ear. Heck, I’m lucky if I find where I put that post-it note with all my future blog topics. (Which kind of explains this roundabout introduction.)

But what if your cubicle had a tendency to move?

When you work for Corporate Facilities of a federal contracting company, you understand the trade-off you’re making. In exchange for never having to fear of losing your job on account of a contract loss, you understand that if a contract needs your resources, you have to comply. Office space is one such resource. Which fully explains after 6 months in my initial cube on the 5th floor, it was time to pack up my things and move.

The 5th floor cube, while brief, was very nice. I was at a crossroads in the whole cubicle maze layout that attracted the bare minimum of traffic, allowing me to do work in peace (or at least play a quick game of garbage can basketball) That’s right, I had 82 square feet, all to myself. I wish I could say that cube had some style, but it was as bland as the greatest hits of REO Speedwagon. Plus, I wasn’t there all that long, so I didn’t really have that much time to get attached to it. I was close to the kitchen, far from the bathroom, and if it was snowing outside, I’d have no idea. Every wall had an office, and they conspired to keep the inside from looking out.

Cube moving is something you learn to get really good at in my time of company. The first time I did this, I was handed some boxes and some stickers, and I was told to pack. Some things are easy, like desk supplies. They can fall under the “Throw in a Box” protocol. Computers are trickier, since all the work you have produced lies on the hard drive of that laptop. I think it’s best you take that with you wherever you go. Sure, it makes running in the gym a little tedious, but a little weighted resistance training never hurt.Actually, correction. Weighted resistance training always hurts.

And then there’s file packing. The goal is to take all the paper you have and organize it in a box, so that you can easily recreate your cube in a matter of minutes upon new cube arrival. I passed with flying colors. Unfortunately, the moving specialist we hired, who dropped that particular box only to watch paper scatter in every which way, did not.

So now I’m located on the 2nd floor. But don’t get the idea that I’ve stayed put. This is my 4th location in the last 2 years. My first was the equivalent of a temporary holding cell, while my real cube was still being built. The fancy feature about that one was that it had both a front and back door. And the problem with said doors was that it essentially served as an extension of the hallway system. So if a passerby wanted to get from one department to the other, the shortest most convenient way was to try and sneak by Condon without him noticing.

Note: I always notice.

So that’s why I instituted the EZPass system here at work. Put up a purple sign, a change dish, and let the supplemental income roll in. On average for those two weeks, I have abut 20 people come through. 15 would say hello or sorry, but it was those other five that owe me a toll. I made $3.78. Hey, good enough for a sandwich and a Pepsi. Thanks for lunch, you lazy lazy people.

My permanent cube, very similar to the one up on 5, end up being rather temporary, as a shift in positions jockeyed my right over to the window district. It’s still a cube, but my back wall is a floor to ceiling window. It’s the best view of a cafeteria metal roof you could ask for. Heck, I even get two guest chairs! Now all I need is some guests.

So, like I said, I’ve been in 4 cubes on 2. And since I’ve only explained 3, you’ve got to be wondering, “Does it get any better than the window district?” Well, yesterday, I was relocated. Again. To the cube next door. It’s identical to my old one, except every think has been inverted (on a y axis, not an x axis, you gravity-defying weirdo.)

You know the whole Cocktail phone trick from the other day. That hasn’t inverted. Which means when the phone call is over, I’m just throwing my phone on the floor instead. Great.