Tag, You're It!

In my profession, accuracy is crucial. Large-scale financial decisions are made on a daily basis, using my projections as the definitive data. (Ha! And you thought I didn’t deserve a business card!) So my numbers need o be dead on. Otherwise, I’m scrambling to explain why purchasing a 95-thousand square foot building will cost the company 37 dollars and twelve sense. (This never has happened, but it almost did. Thank God for double checking my work.)

It’s a good thing to pride yourself on the accuracy of your work. In fact, I think that there needs to be a greater use of accuracy in the daily routine. If there only was a way to measure how successful your day was by using accuracy when you go to bed at night. That way, when someone asks you how your day was, you could simply give him or her your score. “Eh, today I was 83. Tomorrow I hope to break 90, so I better get to bed.”

But can accuracy be measured for every single one of your day’s actions? Not going to lie to you, it would be tough. So many different scales for so many different tasks. “Well, I was only 62 on tying my shoes this morning, which also explains why I was 43 on walking without falling on my face. Eh, at least I got a 97 on making sure no one saw me. You see? This would be near impossible, which is why a uniform measure of accuracy needs to be implemented across the globe. Human scoring of accuracy on an array of topics can be highly subjective, especially if it’s a system of self-evaluation. Ok, so where can I get an automated system to measure some form of accuracy? Ah. Got it.

Laser Tag.

Sure, it doesn’t measure accuracy of each individual activity you perform each day, but it does have far better broader ramifications. What you need to know is it measures accuracy and it gives you a score. And as people get better at integrate the game into their daily routine, I like to believe that one’s firing accuracy would improve. But before I launch into the rules, I have to start with the tools.

Every morning, immediately after showering and getting dressed, each member of the human race will be required to “don the gear.” This includes both a full front and back vest (which will also be the vest choice for the wedding tuxedos, dear) which will have laser sensors on the shoulder, the chest and the high back. In addition, everyone will carry a laser tag gun. Uniform should be worn on the outside of clothes. Otherwise, that’s cheating and your daily score is automatically zero.

Just imagine going through your daily routine, assuming at all times you are participating in a global game of Laser Tag. Venting your traffic jam frustrations on the morning commute now extends farther than yelling at other motorists where they can’t hear you. Firing at people (using only your rearview mirror sightlines) and ducking out of the way of others, all while not spilling your morning coffee or juice will never make rush hour boring again.

An office building is the perfect place for a game of Laser Tag. Stairwells, elevators, long winding corridors – cut the lights and add a fog machine and it would be absolutely perfect. Currently, one of the things I hate to do during the day is take outgoing packages down to the mailroom. Well with Laser Tag, this becomes the premier chore of the day. Darting in and out of cubicles, barrel rolling across the elevator lobby, blasting away streaks of laser at the mailroom clerk as he tries to capture your FedEx package without getting tagged. And don’t even get me started on how this would revolutionize the cafeteria scene. Using those heavy metal trays to deflect shots from the lunch ladies (not to mention unsettling looks of flirting), all while trying to quickly and accurately compile everything that you want from the salad bar. Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?

Let’s see, the next arena would be after work, in the gym. If you want a good score, you need to work Laser Tag into your normal weight circuit, catching people who loiter around the bench press by surprise. And then it’s over to your cardio workout where agility is key. Oh wait. I forgot. Treadmill. Yes, it looks like I’ll be a sitting duck for a good 20 minutes of the day. Physical fitness will be costly to my score, it seems.

I think that the dinner you get from the drive-thru window should be free if you can snipe the window attendant before they ask you to pay.

Once you get home for the day, and have no intention of seeing anyone else outside your abode, you can take off the gear and rest. You worked hard for a good score today, and assuming you were accurate in your marksmanship, your score should reflect the fact that you did everything in your responsibility quite well. So, head on over to the computer, go to the LT. SCORE website (Laser Tag Statistical Compilation Oracle, Regular Edition), and get your score. Now that this blog is over, I might as well do that right now…

37!

I wouldn’t trust today’s financial projections if I were you.